Okay, so I got some inspiration today and decided to try this blog agian. I know I've been absolutely horrible about keeping it going. But I feel, no, actually I KNOW I have fallen off the wagon with dieting and anything nutriton wise lately. I figured when I was writing this the last time I was doing well and was inspired enough to sit here and write. So here I am, trying to reach that inner fitness guru once again.
I don't really know what happened. Okay, well maybe I do, I got lazy. But besides that fact, I guess I just got sick of having to think about everything. Constantly thinking "Oh, well I shouldn't have that" "I can't have this" "They may be eating that but I absolutely cannot". It just got to be a little too much. So one thing led to another and I gained my weight back. Not all of it, but enough to cause me to try and tie up my loose ends and gather all my resources to try to get my body back. I went from a 22 to a 10/12 in the summer of 2010, now in the spring of 2012 I'm back up to a 16. There I said it, a 16. It was horrible going shopping and not even being able to go the all the stores that I am so used to going to now. Instead I had to settle for JCPenny again. I like JCPenny, don't get me wrong, and I love the way they are now pricing things, but when you're used to being able to shop at American Eagle, or basically anywhere and then are narrowed down again, it's hard. So hard I started crying in the dressing room with my mom there. Summer is coming and I definiely didn't think that I would ever worry about fitting into my bathing suits again. But alas, here I am...worrying. I know they won't fit now, but I'm hoping that I can get my crap together and pull myself together anough to lose about 25 pounds before I have to worry about putting a bathing suit on. I know that none of my clothes for summer will fit me right now, and I don't even want to think about that, it will just put me into a deeper depression about my weight.
So, here's my plan: I've recently (about 15 minutes ago) texted my trainer Jimi Varner from the show. He's basically always there for me and I couldn't be happier. He's going to give me a workout plan. I told him it was for the CRIM that I always run in August, but it's for more than that. It's for giving me that boost I need, some resemblance of normalcy. I got so used to all these people around me during the show, always counting on me to lose the weight for the camera, always counting on me for everything. Well now I've got to count on myself and use the resources that I was blessed with that one summer. No more excuses about how "it's hard because I live in a dorm room and can't control what they serve in the cafeteria". If I have to go out and buy chicken and take it to my friends apartment...well then that's exactly what I'm going to have to do. I think I may even sign up to do a 5K that's coming up in April, just to give myself that little incentive.
Well I think this is enough for now...I'm at work but I just had to get this all out in the open. Kind of another way to hold myself accountable. :)
So, here's to new beginnings...again.
Good luck girl. I know how that feels. I lost 60 pounds 4 years ago and gained all of it back plus 40! However, over the last year I've lost 115 pounds and I am learning to retrain myself to not view it as a diet. It literally has to be a LIFESTYLE for me to keep it off. :) best of luck!
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